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Where Did You Come From LadyElizabeth Tan♥ |
posted on Tuesday, March 30, 2010someone please tell me what the hell am i doing?posted on Tuesday, March 23, 2010i should just say it.i think it's time that i stop avoiding these thoughts. you don't have to survive it to be triumphant. as long as you have fought the good fight, kept the faith and finished the race yes, i believe that you have won. i don't believe that she lost that battle. she didn't give up, no not at all. so we paid a very high price, to fight this war with her. and perhaps we still pay it everyday but i can proudly say that we stood by her through all 3 battles; in the process we had our hearts torn, our hopes lost, our health suffered, our confidence, our comfort, our carefree thoughts - all snatched from us but alas, the one thing that could not be taken away; she chose to leave. and i don't blame her for it. posted on Monday, March 22, 2010okay, the reason why everybody is blaming jack neo is becauseit was his damn bloody fault what! it's not the women's fault for stepping out, regardless of their motive, but what he did was down-right despicable and digusting. he is nothing but a toothless rat. shameless as well. i can't believe he suggested to film a bloody movie of the event. have you no sensitivity to his wife's feelings?! or his children for that matter. does he think by doing that it will prove just how sorry he is? what an idiot. and now i'm going to rant at some innane person. i bet you don't even know. i'm just so sick and tired of this. if you want out, then fine. but i thought it was mutually agreed to keep in touch. yet you shut me out of your life most of the time. it's like you don't want to be part of mine anymore. and that hurts cause i still want you to be. going to different schools doesn't mean i'm going to get a whole new life away from you or anything. are you angry at me or something? cause that's how all your replies (which is not a lot since you ignore most of my questions) sound. i don't want to be angry at you when i don't know what's going on. but that's the problem isn't it. now our lives are so separated and different. i try to tell you things not because i need you to know about my life. but because i want you to, so that you can be part of it and when i expect you to say something about yours you just give some lousy line about how it's as usual. everyday i feel that distance growing and pushing us apart. i can't stand that. especially after i'm sure we both thought there was a really high possibility that we'd be spending these 2 years together. so how can you just drop it like that when i'm still reeling and need that kind of comfort from a friend like you? oh this is all self-indulgent crap. i can't figure out what exactly makes me so angry at this person, but i still am. posted on Sunday, March 21, 2010march holidays suck. they're not even holidays; they're self-cramming periods. and it's exceptional hard on those who have short attention spans.my father says mine is about 2 seconds long. that's nice to know. anywayyy, i shouldn't have gone out on thursday. but i don't regret it. hahaha. i left the house at about 1030. mom dropped my sister and me off at bishan mrt. was super early to meet baba. we agreed 1130 to watch the 1230 alice in wonderland show at bugisjunction. i was there at 1045? and baba was of course late. hahaha. i told her to look for me in kino when she arrived. but for some reason she smsed me that she was standing outside... hiding behind a sign board. she's a tad too tall to miss. but i love her retardedness. i miss it so much in ac. mang came! alice was quite good i guess. just that i prefer the classic. i still don't like 3d, it gives me headaches and the glasses are super uncomfortable. went shopping after that with the two. they're like twidledee and twiddle dum ((: haha. i just love them. clowning around in j.co before they accompanied me to nlb. my og was kinda supposed to study there but i already suspected none of them would. of course bringing mang and baba wasn't the best idea cause i didn't get any work done with them around either. but it was fun! heee. after they left i went to look for nicolecheong. andd we went to marina square together. we met jerry and renaldy and nicole's uncle... but anyway, we were in the arcade watching jerry and renaldy play some violent game when joanna came. next was erm, who? oh, darren. then we went to starbucks to wait for the rest. oh! then my mom texted me to tell me i got the scholarship. oh, praise God. that morning i was just lying in bed hindsighting (again) about the interview and thinking "oh crap, i screwed it up." then i went into this 15 min thing where i tried to psycho myself into believing that it wasn't a big deal. oh i am so relieved. and so extremely sorry to those who i poured my anxieties out to; beatrice, ms ong, joey, arielene, jie, judith and all, i'm so sorry i get so agitated! and back to og dinner - zanhong came. then we went to just acia and talked about all sorts of retarded stuff. oh gosh, we each had to tell an embarrassing story. hahaha. i still think joanna's owns all of ours. i got back home around 1030 that night. i've given up watching idol. andrew garcia is not good anymore ))): i have been slacking around this whole holiday. i am so doomed. i just realised i have more chinese homework to do. but chinese isn't due on monday anyway. omg, mass pe is on monday again! i'm going to die. and my classmates have very nicely pointed out that because of funorama prep and good friday, my class is missing swim pe twice. hurrah. i get to delay my embarrassment. andrea was super funny in math tuition today when she found out about our swim pe. she thinks that guys and girls should swim separately. and guys should be banned from wearing speedos in front of girls. hahaha. she's so cute. maybe it really is time for me to open up and stop judging. i've been so... resistent of late. i keep pushing these things away. so maybe i should stop and let them in because i've reached that stage where it's just up to me if i really want to move on. posted on Tuesday, March 16, 2010Yesterday, I woke upWith your head on my arm My hand was numb Circulation gone But I dared not move the pretty sleeping one The sun had painted Patterns on your face As you breathed Sunday air You rolled onto My open arm I became your pillow; you let me smooth your hair I will sing you morning lullabies You are beautiful and peaceful this way I know you have to close your eyes on everyone Let me help you, I'll sing you to sleep With morning lullabies Let me lie in the curve Of your body tonight And I will hear you tumble into sleep I will watch you heal, watch you heal with me I will sing you morning lullabies You are beautiful and peaceful this way I know you have to close your eyes on everyone Let me help you, to sing you sleep With morning lullabies I know you have to close Your eyes on everyone Let me help you I'll sing you to sleep With morning lulla-bye, bye, baby Close your eyes and I will sing you Morning lullabies And I will sing you Morning lullabies ingrid michaelson i love this song posted on Sunday, March 14, 2010402!4/2 dinner(: the pain just to get ther was worth it. i think i shall just go out with mainly ij people this week. i mean, okay, maybe i'll go for og dinner or something. but i really just want to spend time with family y'know? i'm gonna be seeing ac people for the next 2 years. i'll have plenty of time to get to know them and whatever. but with ij people i don't have to be anyone. i don't have to think before i say something or feel like i'm wearing this armour. i'm just so much more comfortable. i don't hate ac. but if someone asks me one more time if i'm happy in ac, i really just can't lie anymore. it's not that i'm not happy in ac, it's just that you're indirectly asking me if i'm happy being away from ij. and we both know damn well, i'm not. how could i be? sometimes i hear this voice in my head going "okay, i just don't want to do this anymore." and i think, do what? okay, time to suck it up. school isn't about being happy. life isn't about being happy. posted on Saturday, March 13, 2010i'm so tired of this.already. "What a luxury it was for people to hold their loved ones whenever they wanted" - p.s. i love you what did i last blog about? oh. homework. and as it turns out, it was supposed to be just one essay for ki, i didn't hear the instructions. so yes, i wrote 3 essays then rewrote them into a really messy one. scholarship interview was fine. be honest, i don't remember it already. pre-u sem is coming along fine. omg wednesdayyy! i went back to ij to pick up my aep prep and met nadya! it was hilarious. she was just about to walk down the stairs and then she turns back and we both scream, run and pracitcally half-collide, half-hug each other. my shoulder joints hurt the next day but it was totally worth it. wednesday again! i went out with beatrice and judith to thomson plaza (my mom said not too far) for dinner. ate at sushi teh(hahaha. i miss mr teh's math lessons) then went to swensen's for ice cream. and i can't believe i said i was going to start spending less. it totally didn't work. and i still owe beatrice money! rushed home at around 10. hahaha. we didn't realise it was so late! and judith had a chem test the next day. oops. i still managed to finish my chinese homework though. and i was completely zoned out for the next day. most of the time i just stared blankly at the teacher pretending to be paying attention. i did that today too. but i got caught during econs. i didn't do my tutorial yet. hahaha. jerry tried giving me the answer even though i already drew the wrong ppc. math was crazy. amelia bullying jing quan(but for the record, jq was kinda mean) and grace disturbing dave. hahaha. our math tutor seriously doesn't care about us. and pe was absolutely high. and embarrassing. i fell while doing hurdles. but at least it wasn't that clumsy kinda fall where you scrap your knee and hands and whatever. i just sort of skidded on the track and landed with a sort of fump. it hurt, but no open wounds. and it has just convinced me that jc pe is terrifying. plus, i need to tighten my shoe laces. my shoe nearly fell off while jumping. the ac track is for some reason slippery. ij's track is better. even if it's not well paved and older. it still is better (because it's 200m and we can only run up to lane 3. it's cramped but that means you get to talk to your friends without having to be too loud.) i hate mass pe. and ki is fun! why doesn't anyone believe me!? just that there's an incredible amount of notes and reading to do this holidays. and i'm already juggling 4 outings. this is not good. i should sleep now so that i can make the best out of tmr and be allowed to go for 4/2 outing. talked with nianci, arielene and sasha before pe today. just us good ol' ij girls full of honest talk. it was nice(: i think we're going to turn it into some regular thing before pe. posted on Saturday, March 06, 2010freaked out? terribly so.i think i literally have a mountain of homework. i don't even think i've ever had this much homework since... since... since? i have: 3 KI essays (each 300-500 words justifying 3 different beliefs or our choice) 1 chinese essay 1 econs essay section c of econs tutorial 1 math tutorial 2 interview prep! pre-u sem research and not to mention, i haven't read my ki notes and i'm still dead tired this week is not ending well. on better note, i'm just relieved and extremely happy for my sister. she got a for math! hahaha. okay, 7As didn't get her top arts student in nj, but second is pretty good still. and she was top councillor anyway. ahahaha, i'm so happy for her, i think i can afford to boast on her behalf. yay. no guitar this week. i get to go out for dinner with judith and beatrice i hope! :D holidays are coming! and so is aep graduates outing! posted on Wednesday, March 03, 2010i feel like curling up to cry because i miss my friends so much.but i should be happy, i guess. i was shortlisted for the humanities scholarship interview. oh, that part was a relief. but now i'm not so sure what to do. i really hope it turns out okay. i'm too tired to type anything substantial. i just want dinner to be cooked soooon. we had some leadership thing today and learnt how to cut the muah chee from dave, the muah chee boy. i tried to crash gp lecture since i didn't want to be alone but the tutor was absent. so we all just went to the void deck to eat. i think the AHs' fun-o-rama is gonna be totally awesome. my thoughts are all really disconnected right now. i want dinner. You took your coat off and stood in the rain, You're always crazy like that. And I watched from my window, Always felt I was outside looking in on you. You're always the mysterious one with Dark eyes and careless hair, You were fashionably sensitive But too cool to care. You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say Besides some comment on the weather. Well in case you failed to notice, In case you failed to see, This is my heart bleeding before you, This is me down on my knees, and... These foolish games are tearing me apart, And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart. You're breaking my heart. You're always brilliant in the morning, Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee. Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you. You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones As I clumsily strummed my guitar. You'd teach me of honest things Things that were daring, things that were clean Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean So I hid my soiled hands behind my back Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else, Somebody who gave a damn, Somebody more like myself. You took your coat off, Stood in the rain, You're always crazy like that. foolish games by jewel. posted on Tuesday, March 02, 2010if you ask once, i'll tell you twice.sorry, that was random. i was being totally random during pw today. it was a lecture anyway, and my class was sitting right in front so it got boring pretty fast. i hope cassandra doesn't mind me defacing the pages of her pw notes. ki is quite fun still. though most of the time i'm just completely stoning already. tuesdays are bad days. very few breaks )): but i got into pre-u sem. i think that's supposed to be a plus point. i hope it is. because i'm starting to doubt why i even applied in the first place. i mean, i have such a short attention span and i'm exhausted easily and i'm already worried about the 4 h2s thing. omg, elizabeth estelle tan, what the hell were you thinking? oh right, you were thinking that you were still in like, sec 2 where you liked handling a thousand and one other projects at one go. i have to wake up and stop doing stupid things. like drinking pearl milk tea at night. okay, focus on the moment. so, pre u sem, please please please don't disappoint me. i gave up cap for you! and the list of those who got through to the next round for the humanities scholarship is out. i swear i could hyperventilate. posted on Monday, March 01, 2010"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go".gonna keep on trying. |
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