posted on Sunday, November 30, 2008
They say bad things happen for a reason But no wise word's gonna stop the bleeding - breakeven, the script.
hope you're okay
posted on Friday, November 28, 2008
gosh, i really wish i could sleep. please, shannen, please just be okay cause the insomnia's driving me nuts already.
back!
posted on Tuesday, November 25, 2008
gosh. this week has been a terrible roller coaster. it still seems like it didn't really happen. but it's over. okay, let's start with the beginning council camp. it was really fun played all kinds of crazy games. screamed till my cough got worse and lost my voice temporarily played taboo till i nearly went mad! deepika is seriously really funny at it. went to ren ci for service learning. it was pretty okay. sab is an excellent window cleaner. shi pei, it's okay, we will grow taller! i didn't know pet was that tall... i think she;s just got long arms. i'm bruised all over. still, really enjoyable. sec 4 farewell after camp was fun too! cooking the food was fun. yeah, eunice and me can be professional bartenders! haha, ruth, you are not my favourite person darling. so sorry. indigo rocks! and i am tired. okay. so came back wed night. didn't really get to sleep. i got my phone back too! yeah! and all my 6000+ msgs are gone. like the guy warned me. but it's okay. so friday was church camp. i was packing at 3 am in the morning. beatrice didn't realy my smses! so i brought too many shirts. gosh. the whole camp was just, so... i don't know how to describe it. just wayyy too many things happened and i regret not bringing my phone. but seriously, just so much my heart almost couldn't take it. once the pain came back i just had to sleep. i don't even know where to start just, woah, okay. i need to slow down. i guess after confession i just couldn't take it. i've admitted what i've done and i'm not proud but at that moment, i knew. i just felt it. everything just felt much better. like what i'd been searching for forever, was in my hands. for the longest time i'd been looking for God. i don't know how or why i ran away from Him like that. but i just really wanted to just come back and for everything to return to how it used to be. i was really happy because i'd thought i'd put that past behind me. and i'd been crying about it for the longest time, not knowing where to get help from. but i found it at this retreat. it honestly felt better than just great. to just be totally aware of all my emotions and to finally begin that step from denial, to bargaining and pushing myself out of anger. i'm not sure where i stand in between depression and acceptance. but it doesn't matter. God loves me. He loves her too. He loves all of us. and it's far beyong human comprehension. because He's God. He's not human so you can't measure him by our own silly logic and science. it's hard. but why would it be easy? the fact that it hurts shows that there's emotions in that, and there's definitely love. but after confession, it just all came out. i didn't actually intend to tell anyone till it was all over cause i kept thinking, i have to get through this all on my own. thanks beatrice, and aunty shirley, and uncle al. for showing me so much concern, for being there while i just bawled. i think that sitting there, in the middle of the court, in my heart i already knew. i just didn't believe. but when fr andrew said all that, and what aunty shirley said, i believe now. and i no longer doubt. just love. as to what happened at night. i think i probably shouldn't disclose it because it's quite internal. just keep praying.
SVDP confirmation! and other events...
posted on Sunday, November 16, 2008
okay! yesterday was fun! accept for the morning, morning was total crap. the first aid competition thing. it was so badly organised that i could have yelled at some people bloody retarded. i couldn't take my medication because it would make me drowsy and it would affect my theory and practical. everything was delayed by over one friggin hour and we were almost late for svdp's confirmation. luckily, mrs tan fetched us there (: so we were just on time! it was really great to see jaime again! gosh, we were so excited! and lizzi is so skinneeeyy! aiyo! haha steph, mars, celeste and a lot of ij girls got confirmed too and when arielene, rachelle and me went out, we couldn't find the washroom! so we were walking about like idiots! but we came back in time to hear jaime and celeste share! (: jaime was kinda unglam la, sit with your heels together when you're on the altar okay?! the reception was pretty fun too the tip of the ribbon on my dress fell into the pond... thankfully just the tip, and no fish tried to eat it. jaime, mars, celeste, steph, lizzi and lissa sang! it was adorable! there was a guy called jerome who sand "hallelujah", "here without you" and "i'm yours" it was really good. i hear he's from sji and sang for kindred. i absolutely love his voice! ah! the songs are still stuck in my head! haha, my mom abandoned me. because i spent so long at svdp she told me to find my own way home but i couldn't. so they had to find me along yio chu kang road and pick me up before we went for dinner. took a reallllly long time. haha. today was st anne's! i REALLYY wanted to go! but i have to recover before council camp stupid meds. the doctor said he wouldn't give me that many things to take. and he gave me 5 types of medication! and they all taste like crap. i missed quite a few dosages cause of yesterday's competition. couldn't eat lunch so i had to skip another course. but i'm still happy(: i got to see jaime! council camp tmr! one day break before i'm off for my confirmation retreat! reaaaly packed week ahead. hope i don't get worse!
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