2009, i will miss you
posted on Thursday, December 31, 2009
10 things i love about this year: 1) sitting next to sam, behind mang and baba 2) having arielene to bitch to during chinese 3) getting up off the ground 4) being the only ones in a movie theatre watching some retarded movie that's not even english 5) finally mustering enough courage to cut my hair, regardless of the outcome 6) going back to writing 7) all the crazy lists i made with my friends: my bucket list, book list, things to do after o levels, wish list, etc 8) post-its. yes, absolutely. see facebook to find out why((: 9) completing 10 years of ij and loving it all 10) not having to take aep ever again
5 things i hate about this year: 1) it has to end in less than 24 hours 2) i drifted too long 3) i've become a person who avoids conflict a bit too often 4) i gained weight 5) i don't remember crying so much
5 things i've learnt from this year: 1) i get tanned easily. very easily 2) how to use the iron and vacuum cleaner 3) how to take public transport on my own(: 4) "there has always been heartache and pain/but when it's over you'll breathe again" - crash and burn by savage garden 5) i never truly lost her
5 memorable incidences: 1) michael jackson's death 2) being alone in a columbarium; it's not scary. seriously. 3) prom 4) the first few hours of the year 5) the last day of school
2010
posted on
writing that title was hard. the numbers 2010 just feel so foreign when put together but i guess it's here.
it's time to move on. you can't keep expecting things to be the same, wanting them to never change. i knew that very well once upon a time, i just forgot about it when everything else got thrown my way. time doesn't wait for you. nothing does. you can't live your life like it's still yesterday just because you want it to come back; just be cause you miss it. you have to let things go; even if it means you will forget. but you are only human. there will be more tragedies than you can count and you will lose count. there come more days, months and maybe even entire years where you merely exist instead of living because everything will seem to "stretch before you with the dryness and sameness of desert dunes" as maya angelou writes, so painfully accurate, in Letter to My Daughter. but there will also come a time when the storms will cease to rage in all their fury and agony and you will find yourself wondering when you were finally able to sail forth without constantly looking back in fear and anxiety of all sorts. and all your battles will be faint and distant; just a memory of the pain.
posted on Wednesday, December 30, 2009
i don't want to watch america's got talent anymore! erik and rickie got kicked out):
posted on Monday, December 28, 2009
i'm actually tired of reading. i've been reading so many books in succession that my eyes kind of hurt. and i had to wear my glasses just to focus on the words last night/morning. and the sofa cushions are worn and torn cause my sister and me sit for hours on them tossing just to get a comfortable position to read. i think it's more my fault cause i tend to get very agitated when reading and end up cursing one or two characters. this is not working out so well. i still have 2 books that are half read. okay 3. but i had to return one of them to the library today.
my memory has been atrocious. i still keep forgetting i have short hair at times. on saturday i was walking back to the car after dinner and i saw my shadow. it took me a while to realise it was mine because i was still expecting to see long hair. i do miss my long hair.
i think i understand better what morrie was talking about in mitch albom's book. he mentioned detaching oneself from the emotion to be able to fully sumberge oneself in it yet not be sort of drowned. or something like that. i think i get it. at christmas we were all sitting around after midnight, just not really doing anything and then i got it. i know the feeling now. you put yourself apart from it. and you look at things with objectivity. and at first it felt all funny, i guess. not knowing if i could see these people as family. but then the gospel on saturday was about the holy family. and that made me feel a warm feeling again. and i haven't felt that a lot this year. or in a long time.
je manque vous
posted on Sunday, December 20, 2009
okay, i can only post 5 more times because this is my 360th post and i want my 365th to be on new year's.
take that.
i have come to the conclusion that i have had a lot of excitment for this holiday. especially at mary ann's stay-over at the chalet. we went out to the beach to play with sparklers. but since the lighter was spoilt, we kinda had to pass the flame from one person to another as quickly as possible. it was super retarded and we used up about 100 sparklers in 10 minutes. so, when we got back to the chalet, we were discussing plans to eat the cake while we sat down at the dinning table and then someone yells: "lizard!" and we all start screaming bloody murder and running about the place. omg, i don't think i have screamed that hard in a very long time. and i didn't even see the lizard. i just knew it was somewhere near me. and i screamed, ran to the furthest corner, then ran more and jumped on the sofa. haha. all that panic earned me 3 bruises on my left shin. their all in a neat row, like orion's belt; just verticle.
we slept at 6am that night/morning. we played charades for hours and came up with our own signs for certain words like "man", "lady" and erm, "fork". please don't ask. wendy and mang were trying to teach baba, phoebe and me how to play mahjong. and everytime someone threw out a tile, baba would ask "can i take?" it was hilarious. we woke up at about 10? sat around, listened to music and playing games on mang's iphone, tried to wake baba up and then mang's mom came and made lunch for us. haha.
i need to arrange my book shelf like steph is doing. the books are everywhere. and i am very happy that i bought a ring of endless light and a walk to remember. even though i have read the former 5 times and my sister refuses to read the latter. yes, i am proud of myself.
posted on Tuesday, December 15, 2009
i love my friends. haha today i went out with maegan and clara. it was super funny. maegan tells some of the funniest stories i've heard. and she does the most retarded things, has the most p&w songs, and has a really cute dog neamed lego. clara makes and draws adorable stuff and somehow manages to put up with maegan. haha. we met at j8. i went early to buy stuff. then i went back down from the top floor to the interchange, meg called and asked me to go back up to popular with her. then clara came, we made her come up, then we went down again. haha. we went to orchard after lunch at pizza hut where meg went crazy over the cheese. omg, never go to pizza hut with meg again. it's like having a 4 year old with you instead of a 14 year old. i'm serious. we walked around ion looking for more orange things for meg. and my sister was there too. she walked right past me and didn't realise. i went to meet beatrice in kino after that(: i bought a walk to remember, a ring of endless light and the last lecture. all tear-jerkers. met my sister again. she stayed on in kino while beatrice and me went to suntec to get her dad's present. and beatrice bought me a fedora in malaysia(: haha. problem is, joanne and steph also bought me a fedora. cause when i told them i wanted one, they were all together. hmmm, i will have 2 fedoras for christmas. looks like both my sister and me can dress up as mj. nah, not with my short hair. haha. anyway, we ran into maryann, monica and marian hui. maryann had a good time fluffing my hair about. i took a bus home. and it took so long to come i was worried i got something wrong. while eating dinner,
mom: "he had some convention overseas and so his daughters went with him... ... ... you see, other people are so thoughtful, he took the three girls with him..." (looks at my dad) dad: (all the while has been peeling oranges, looks up) *pause* what? mom: i said, he took his daughters too... (waits for it to sink in) dad: so?
and we found out the day before that my dad was class monitor, member of the historical society and represented his school in tonnes of sporting activities... we couldn't help the laughter. seriously, my dad and the historical society? you gotta be kidding me. class monitor? ah, i shall not comment.
posted on Sunday, December 13, 2009
i can't bear to throw away my notes. haha. and i have yet to clear them out. oh wells. i'll find time.
going out with clara and meg tmr! finally. after like, 4 tries to arrange this. we're going to j8. which i have been to a total of 3 times in the past month. wow. anyway, we might go somewhere else after that.
i wonder if the picnic with tll people is still on. i'd better ask cheryl.
and then wed and thurs is mang's chalet stay thing(: can't wait. haha. i miss her so much. i can't believe i'm saying that but she's one of the people who make me laugh the most. and baba and sam of course.
posted on Saturday, December 12, 2009
what is with the world's fascination with numbers? simply because it transcends languages? it's not just that it's important and we use it in our daily lives... blah blah blah. we've heard it all before. it's because numbers are foolproof. there are definite answers. and even if there weren't we'd just dismiss the rest. with languages and the humanities, you can't.
i get why people don't like confusion and multiple possibilities, but you can't just brush aside the rest as less important. don't deny it. that ted talks guy said so, there is a heirachy of subjects. languages come first he said. i doubt so. not anymore at least. not here in singapore. nevertheless, it is a constant battle to balance the languages against the math and sciences. look at the primary schools; you onlly have english, mother tongue(which seems to be a highly debatable topic now), math and science. there, languages vs sciences. it's the left vs right brain thing again. and majority always wins unless you live in some sort of fascist state where the ruler or whoever can and will dismiss the people. but anyhow, majority doesn't make it right.
art isn't important. says who? it's a form of expression just as unique as any language, it is not and will not be restrained by language barriers and was the earliest form of communication. so you think that numbers are more sophisticated? it looks less sophisticated if you ask me. so why has the arts been cast aside and looked down upon in such a demeanor now? it's frankly quite stupid and insulting. just because majority cannot accept, cannot succeed or just outrightly put, lack the perception of artists(be them literary or visual artists) it does not make that less important. it makes it all the more important. because they are the creme de la creme. they are the ones who possess a special talent and should be given recognition. not merely the hardworking muggers who have the ability to regurgitate. that can be trained, taught, replicated. aptitude at the visual arts, literature, performance art, these cannot be merely taught. they must be bestowed upon at birth, then nurtured well so that they may flourish later in life. yet instead they have been gagged, smothered and thrown off track on being bombarded with the maths and sciences which everyone believes are so important because everyone can do them. so what if everyone can do them? so what?
there is a serious flaw in our logic. and we are in deep trouble. and we are the world.
look at how far we've come. from persecutions to prosecutions. and you'd think that we've progressed a far way from our past. but surely, if you think about it, surely our ancestors thought the same thing too. so, where does that leave us?
posted on Thursday, December 10, 2009
troubling a star! i've found it. in bishan library. yay! i'll let my sister read it first since she's not feeling well. in the meantime, i'm reading a ring of endless light - the book before- again. for the fourth or fifth time. i've lost count. haha. i just love it. it's one of those books that you can't help but read over and over again. i'm so buying this once i get my $100. my mom is paying me and my sister $100 each to paint the maid's room in the back. yay. book spreee!
i went out with beatrice again today. we watched new moon. i swear, it just got worse. and i nearly died. who knew acting could be that hard? and rob pattinson just became freakier. he's not only a gross white, he looked like he was tinted green or something at some parts of the movie. urgh. dakota fanning was a good jane. she's no longer that cute screaming kid but she's still a good actress. but i was cringing and trying hard not to laugh at awkward moments in the movie. but whatever. there will be those who love it.
beatrice seems to think my hair is fine. so maybe it is. she says it makes me look my age. phew! finally for once. haha. i always get mistaken to be a few years old(okay, sometimes it's more than a few years) even on the phone. i once got asked how old my children were. i was 14 then...
posted on Wednesday, December 09, 2009
i can't get used to my new hair.
it's short. i haven't had short hair since kindergarden. or when we went to LA. i can't remember which came first.
i panicked in the morning cause i forgot i got it cut. the stupid guy at the hair dresser just kept cutting and cutting. it was fine at first. but then he had to go make it straight. and cut bangs, which made my fringe too short. then i ended up looking cheena. and he didn't want to do the curls cause he said it would look too 'pong'. i should have told him that you only 'pong' in majong. or however you spell it. at least he checked that the two sides were equal length. haha. it makes me look chinese. which i am not comfortable with. because i never really looked fully chinese. so the haircut now, well, makes me look even more in between. gah, it's hard to explain. but anyway, it curled back. my hair always curls in odd angles. it will grow out, i guess. i just have to wait a week or so. but it curls more on one side than the other. correction, it curls only on one side. i should sleep on it. the plus sign is, it's easy to comb and dry. and i don't use to much shampoo anymore. and i'm faster when i bathe. haha. when it's wet and i make it all spikey at the ends i look kinda radical. but it's a change. and that's what i needed. it's what i wanted. a change.
i can't breathe without you but i have to.
posted on Tuesday, December 08, 2009
this is killing me. i neeeed to read that last book of the meet the austins series. and it's still bugging me that vicky doesn't get her happy ending. and i guess it bugs me a little that she isn't the one to change zach from being such a crazy idiot even after she invested so much time and effort into that fool. and now i feel like a fool because i don't know anyone else other than my sister who's read the series. i really like it. out of the 4 books of the five that i've read, i love the first and fourth. the third's a bit cranky. but the fourth is really great. i just have that feeling where you totally understand what the protagonist going through. the freakiest part is where you share so much in common with the protagonist that even the events in the book mirror your own life, even if the timeline is different.
it's warm today. isn't that strange? yes, it is. strange, indeed.
posted on Monday, December 07, 2009
i miss the way we used to be. i miss the way everything used to be. just before it all went wrong.
one year since i've been confirmed. and look how far we've come. just look how much has happened.
posted on Sunday, December 06, 2009
this bugs me. it really really bugs me. singapore doesn't seem to sell the book i'm dying to read. wth. and they sell the rest of the series except the laaast book. useless bums. even the internet doesn't have it. and i kind of know how it ends. it doesn't have the happy ending i was rooting for): troubling a star - madeleine l'engle. where the hell are you?!
|