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Where Did You Come From LadyElizabeth Tan♥ |
posted on Saturday, April 28, 2007now i have to watch.all i can do is watch. and wait. and hope. and pray that she makes it through. cause if she doesn't, i don't think i can either. she looks sadder everyday. and i think i'm losing her everyday. what do you do when someone you love may not make it? how do you just sit there and wait? how do you just sit there and watch her suffer? while inside, you scream. just scream and scream and scream. because it's just so unfair. because she deserved better. how do stay focused, when all you can do is worry. how do you wake up every morning and live with such a burden? i really need to know. & i pray that we make it through, make it through the fall, make it through it all- posted on Wednesday, April 25, 2007i want to scream.i want to cry. but i can't i want to tell someone this horrible news. but who do i tell? how do i tell? it's not that i'm proud. but the pain is just to much to bear right now. i really wish i could talk to someone about it. i really wish that this wasn't happening. but i know they'll say it's gonna be alright and i know, deep down inside that it's not gonna be that way. so will someone just help me end this? please..just end it here. don't drag me down this long, hard road. don't make me cry anymore. i don't want to go to cry myself to sleep. heartbroken isn't just some crap adjective. it's a real feeling. because it really feels as though your heart is broken, and someone's pulling it out. it reall does hurt. and now i know. and now i'm scared. scared that i'll have to face the feeling again. not again, please no, not again. posted on Thursday, April 19, 2007ahhh. my life is sucky.let's face it. everyone's life is screwed. we just try to act cool about it. have you ever been so sure of something and suddeny one day, you just wake up doubting everything? because of one stupid person? have you ever sat in church before and realised so many things? don't love God because you were told to. love him because you really do. this class outing thing is out of hand. SAs are here. and they suck. i'm tired. just so tired. not just physically. emotionally as well. every morning i wake up and don't see why i have to. every day i look out the window and feel like i should be doing something else. that i should be walking down some other path. i shouldn't be here. why do i keep accepting other people's crap. why do i constantly remind myself to try and work hard? it's all bloody screwed. everyone wants to control my life. your screwing it up. big time. i'm just so tired. just so exhausted. no one understands when i say those lines. and that hurts. so i'm going to tell you what i meant. what i really wanted to say was: i feel like killing myself. i'm tired of living. i'm tired of trying does that make you happy now? does that make feel relieved now? that you have one less burden to give a damn about? i was born out of a selfish desire. nothing more. i hate this. i hate you. this was written for that one person. who just can't see these tears so one day, when she reads this, maybe it'll be after some like... accident that i died in or perhaps i killed myself or ran away... yeah... something like that. i hope she knows i'm talking about her. i hope she feels the pain. because this is what you called me: stupid brainless useless child. that really hurt. just so you know. i can't believe i cry myself to sleep almost every night because of you. and i can't see why i gave so much of a damn. i really hate you too. i hope you cry. because what you did to me was just as bad. in fact, worse. sometimes kids just wanna hurt someone as much as they hurt. yes. that's true. and that's why i'm doing this to you. posted on Sunday, April 15, 2007i've been dead since...last tuesday? so i shall start from there.last week as in just after where i stopped went to see mrs yap about the om thing. she came to see our props. then decided that we should merge groups because our props were good and their spontaneos was good! so we did. and it came out: mars, yangs, denise, mao, court, jaime and me. changed the script. monday chinese oral! haha. i got communication with friends. lao shi said it was good. AEP. my wall is so doomed. i haven't finished drawing and we need to finish it by 27 april. die!!! we basically realised a lot of things were out of proportion. went home real late. tuesday OM. props and rehersal. i went home at like... 7.15pm? because my group abandoned me to clear up the mess. ): traffic jam on the way back. mom wasn't happy. wednesday OM. rushed to LL after that. was in a bad mood because i didn't eat a proper luch, i was tired, om was screwed and ms ong was pms-sing. bloody annoying. thursday mad panic! full dress rehersal that day. we skipped cme, science and chinese to practice. plus during lunch and recess. full dress wasn't bad. started losing my voice. friday IJ fiesta! we practiced om first. then went off and i ate like a pig. serious. walked around selling jelly. i got a tatoo but the aunty decorated it until it looked like crap. om spontaneos!!! ahh. we got a free shirt which we were made to wear over our pinafore and blous so we looked like idiots. went downstairs to the canteen where we started accusing each other of scandals! especially courtney!! haha. ms mazlind happily went into the staff corner to chat with the teachers! i saw people who i knew and didn't excpect to see there. lol. mainly because they're stupid. i was so nervous when they called our school that i nearly cried. i could feel the tears coming out of my eyes. i didn't understand the question. so i crapped. lol. our timing waas 2.25. she said it was good. oh well. friendly judges. who like to joke. nice people. saturday went back to school in the morning. did up the props. practiced. xyz's group found out their membership sign was missing. turned out the stupid cleaning aunty folded it up and destroyed it. damn her. xyz was so upset she cried. i almost cried too. they really put in a lot of effort into making it. and that stupid pig ruined it. so they re-did it and we rushed like mad. got squashed sitting on the bus. almost died. during the performance denise dropped the fish. they found the last part funny. they were so mean! because we cleared up the snow thing,they made us clear up the other groups' mess too! stupid pigs. evilevilevil. we didn't have a choice because then they would call it BAD SPORTSMANSHIP BEHAVIOUR. well guess what. they showed stupid evil pig behaviour. bleh. i went back to school to put back the props. pespiring like crazy after that! mrs tan drove us back for the results. the seniors got champion for spontaneos!! i was screaming so hard i have a sore throat today. they came in runner up. the problem we did was the most contested. very popular eh? haha. there was one question where RGS was the only school that took part. so they couldn't be crowned champion but they're still going to represent singapore. unfair. we should do that too. went home. too late for church. went out for dinner and slept. at about... 9? :D woke up at 8+ today. i am hungry!!! i am such a pig. lol. congrats to la on passing her evac bronze! posted on Tuesday, April 03, 2007i'm sorry.you people will always be my friends. and if i hurt you in the process of wanting to be happy. then forgive me. but i can't let this happen. i don't mean to hurt you. i don't want to be mean. but i at least want to sort things out. you people will always be my friends. i just hope you know. posted onjust let me emo.completely emo. for just one day. please just let me be a bitch and ramble on. sorry people. i am pms-ing. i feel bloody short-changed. mrs yap is so bloody shortsighted and unfair. why is my group not going for om? we put in twice the amount of effort! has she even seen our props? she hasn't come for om for like... a month? so who is she to say? she's only seen the script. she hasn't even seen us perform. what kind of a crap job is she trying to pull. i'm not saying the other group didn't put in effort. i'm bloody sure they did. but can she actually tell us that she knows the outcome? that she chose the groups fairly? because i don't think so. i know i sound petty but this is for clara. i am going to make you pay. i don't care how i do it. i will make sure you cry as much as i have i will make sure you regret it for every second of your miserable life. you just wait. posted on Sunday, April 01, 2007ahh. stuck at home.my dad is snorring. interesting... stupid homework. alex if you're reading this i pray it doesn't haunt me. yesterday's 2.4km run/walk was ... bleh. i arrived late. lol. traffic jam. then i ran along side ap and later lala too. after the run, guess what? i fainted. not directly flat on the ground. everything was very dizzy, i was on my knees, then i just fell over. there were a lot of voices, for some reason they pulled me up again before making me lie down. someone [which i later found out was hillary] gave me water. lala and beatrice helped me up. mrs nicholas kept asking something...i'm not sure what. i remember the blooming hot sun. everything was spinning real bad so i sort of cried. when i felt better i went to get a drink, gosh i felt so weak. yw and la walked with me across the field. we saw the sole of someone's shoe! lol. ahh, when i reached home i was dead tired AND i didn't even know my timing. la said it was about 14. something. because i was around just behind her when i ran. so it should be around there. cat class was super funny. the queen's carriage got caught in the rain! so she was late. petra was early yesterday. and she looked like a bumblebee. :D she said iwas very green. because i was wearing a green shirt and white skirt with faint green patterns. yes, we are lame. but the queen was much much worse. went for dinner and ate tonnes! haha. actually i think i ate the most. oh well. ahhh! monday is 5 items! i won't faint for this one. |
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