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Where Did You Come From LadyElizabeth Tan♥ |
posted on Wednesday, October 31, 2007i love clara! self-proclaimedi love jaime! yayness! i love arielle! super! i am straight! yipee! who knows what the future holds for us? righttee? i shall take a positive stand to all of this. no matter how hard my heart screams. this is the path that God has chosen for us. it is a journey that we will travel alone. regardless of how many loved ones we have, we must walk this route alone. because we are given this priveledge of living a life that no one else can experience. no one else but us. no matter how much this burning heart bleeds we must stay strong. for those we love and those that love us. i can't bear to let go of twoone 07. after all that? all those trials we went through? regardless of outcome, it seems like they're gonna be all thrown into the past, lost in our complicated souls of entangled emotions. mingled with all those other memories. i want them to be special. cause it's 2/1 we're talking about here. it's not something you forget?! it's something you cherish. it's something you look back on and reminisce and cry about. it's something that should stay with you forever. and i want it to be like that. but once again there's fear. yes, so much fear. like ms ho said about me. "there's so much fear in this girl". i can't help it can i? but this fear. it's threatening me with the possibility of being too sentimental for my own good. it's gripping me by the shoulders and making letting go so hard. part of me just wants to break down now. but part of me says to be strong, cause soon enough there ain't gonna be no one left to catch you. strange how this applies physically and emotionally. a few lines of a song: ...i can't make this feeling cease cause deep in my soul you left a permanent crease and we all got our cross to bear our star of david, our dreadlocked hair oh yeah baby, i still care and if you need some help you know i'll always be there well it's been a strange year... as my fire went out you put on another log and it was worth never having any peace cause deep in my soul you left a permanent crease repeat chorus ... [irrelevant lines] ... but i'm not afraid to go down with a sinking friend ... i love these people. even if it kills me in the end. it's hard to let go. we all know this. but yet we always find it just so hard to muster the courage to face the fact. i know that we're going to be separated. but i can't accept it. it's just too hard. too painful. cause this world i've been living in for the past year or so has been terrible to me. and they were the ones who made it bearable. who kept me going. who lugged me along despite the obstacles. i can't forgive them for that. i can't forgive them for being so nice to me. cause now it's making everything so damn hard. it's causing me too much pain. i can't forgive them for not asking anything in return. they were just way too kind to me. and i love them. with all my heart. cause this heart has been torn and broken. weathered and ripped apart. yet, this heart has been sewn, glued, stiched, pieced back together in almost every possible way by these people. now i have to start all over again. without the same foundation. without the same comfort. it's gonna be hell. but it's gonna be the only way through. so now i pray to God that he leads us through this safely. cause we can't do on our own. |
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