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Where Did You Come From LadyElizabeth Tan♥ |
posted on Monday, January 29, 2007look, i'm human too.i make mistakes. i can't read your mind. so you want to blame me. go ahead. but at least have a proper back up damnit. sometimes i feel like i just go unappreciated. there i am, like some pathetic puppy waiting to be kicked. waiting to be disappointed waiting to be hurt. again, and again, and again. so what's the point right? i'f i'm so unhappy. what do i have to do to make you realise. that i was actually doing ti for you. Gosh, even she's more secure than you. i always thought i was weak. thinking about it, and seeing you, i feel like superwoman. you pain in the ass. i hate you. why can't you see that i've been sacrificing so much? why can't you see that i've been hurting inside. can't you freakin tell i'm breaking down??? i can't find a reason to care. only to hate. you never seem to remember anything good that i've done. you only remember my negative traits. you've forgotten everything else. did you forget that you loved me? that you used to care for both of us? that i'm always the one who comforts you? when it should always be the other way around? damnit you bloody ass! why do i still give a freakin damn about you when you can't give a damn about me? you call that giving a damn? i call that torturing me. since you can't remember all this, and remembering it only makes me more hurt why don't i just bang my head or get into an accident. a real bad one. then i may forget everything too. and make you feel the pain i'm feeling now. have you any idea what it's like to be told that you're useless and stupid? by someone like you? maybe you didn't mean it. maybe you didn't know it would hurt. you must have been a effing idiot to not know. i'm craking up because of you. and you can't see it. maybe i should start throwing up all my food. then you'll realise something's wrong. then you'll give me the security i crave. just because i'm sane now it doesn't mean it'll remain that way. don't think you can wait for me to grow up and say that it was just that phase i sure hate you now. i really just want to scream. GOD, give me a reason tell me what to do. please say that i haven't been doing these things in vain. Jesus, what do i do? why won't she shut up? i want to be someone else. not like her all the time. i want to make my own mistakes. don't tell me that you don't want me to be like her when you keep comparing the both of us this and that and this and that. i hate it! can't you see? obviously you can't. oh, why do i even bother? all my life i grew up like this. you'd think: her parents ferry her around, she's in a good class, she should grow up to be someone great. i once thought that too. now i doubt all of it. my future, my past, my present. was i really happy? don't tell me to do something about it. tell me what to do about it. ms ho was right after all. there's just this intense fear in me. because ever since i was little i was scared that one day i would wake up and no one would love me. that everything would fall apart. that this would all cease to exist. and yes, i'm scared now Lord. i'm really lost now. and i really need you to come and comfort me. what do you do when it all falls apart?
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I Want To Love YouGoArielenecourtney Daffy lizzi Francesca Glen Haoteng Hillary Koh Jaime megan RC Samantha Chiam [my awesome partner!] Thaddeus Lawrence 1/1'06 2/1'07 IJ Student Council BlogSkins.com Blogger _ _ i have a feeling half of these links don't work but i'm too lazy to change them. You Need Some Lovin'November 2005December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 January 2011 February 2011 May 2011 Repeat After MeTemplate © VOLUME · All rights reserved. |