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Where Did You Come From LadyElizabeth Tan♥ |
posted on Thursday, January 25, 2007ahh. so long since i last posted!oh my, life's been so chaotic recently. what do i do? the best answer is of course to pray. but i'm sure all of us catholics have felt in some way, angry at GOD before. yes, we start to wonder why he does things a moment of despair that forces you to say that life's unfair -security, joss stone sometimes we yell at GOD. we just don't know what else to do. we want to understand why he does things and when things don't go our way, we get even more frustrated. some of us have gone to the point of doubting his existence so some give in to that doubt and block him out of their lives thinking they can become their own GOD. they stop praying and eventually stop going to church. because we can't see why people say he's so good. we can't see why he does those things. but we all must remember that when you feel that GOD isn't listening to you. your the stupidest person in the world. he is listening, very attentively. but when you get angry that things don't go right. your actually telling him: i want things MY way God. not yours, MY way. it's scary, how many of us can throw christ aside because we're tried. because we're lazy. how we never thank him but instead dreedily ask for more. it's scary that after you read this you'd probably go to sleep tonight without giving a damn. how we don't place GOD as first, when he should be. it drives me to insanity everyday. sometimes i ask: why does he love us so much? we sin, we lie, we condemn him, curse and swear at everything. but not once has he ever given up on us not once has he ever not fogiven us. why? doesn't it hurt him? why does he have to make some of us feel so guilty that we've been such a******s to him. sorry GOD, please forgive us anyway, last time i wrote was after CCA orientation? yeah. super busy! geog, om, english, science, AEPand EP! those are all the projects we have had and still have so far! i mean like, give us a break! it's only the 4th week of school? annoying buggers. can[t believe they took philosophy out of our subjects. still pissed over it. i realised this year, i've been extremely touchy so far. sorry everyone who had to put up with it. especially jaime, arielle and clara. it's just that, so much has changed. i can't be the same. as much as i want to be i know i have to grow up, i know i have to throw so much away. i really want to go back to being who i was. i really want to be carefree again. but i can't. and there's nothing i can do but move forward. it will hurt. it's already hurting. but i will trust in the LORD. he told us the road would be long. he told us it would be painful and full of obstacles. but i will follow. pray that no temptations will lead me astray. i will try, yes LORD, i will. please give me the strength to carry on. under all this weight, i may crack but i know that you will do whatever it takes to help me put those pieces back again. even if i grow up with a chip on my shoulder, and it hurts like hell to go on. we all know we have to. for all those people out there, so they too can live their lives. thank you LORD, for these trials, and for not letting my get everything my way. if you did, life would lose it's fun. then there'd be not much purpose in living. trainings thise year have been of to a not-so-good start? we've been practicing dance every training and i'm a super slow learner! it's really tiring us out like crap. i can t focus when i come home and i've been waking up aching all over and with huge eyebags. sometimes my eyelids are so literally heavy. hillary hoo and clara have joined red cross! yesh~ more cadets for our batch. we have 7 now! haha. pathetic still. but there are 4 2/1 red crossers! haha. recently we had photo-taking! class and cca. and OMGosh! i'm going to look like a bloody "guai-kia"(sp?) in the clas photo! i'm not only sitting in the front row, but i'm next to Mrs Tan!! pray that i look nice. i wonder when we'll get our yearbooks. ahh. today min yan was swinging something about when it got hooked onto my chain and it broke. the chain with the blue heart pendant with Mother Mary in the middle. thank you Yee Wern! you said something today which may not have been true, but it made me feel better! cathecism today was so far the most spritual. well, we've only had 2 lessons so..yeah. and the VIs came for training this week! eeks! could tell they weren't happy with our dance. and we're pretty much doomed. i was born to live in a world that doesn't care.
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