Where Did You Come From LadyElizabeth Tan
posted on Wednesday, May 18, 2011i shouldn't be here. i should seriously be getting some shit done but i can't not say goodbye to my blog.
like how i'm having to say goodbye to so many things.
gosh, just too many things have happened.
guitar, guitar guitar, what would i do without guitar? how would i have turned out? i never thought it would mean so much to me. and yet, a year has past and i'm handing all of it over to a new batch. at the end of four years in red cross and two years in council, i didn't feel as much as i do now after a year of guitar. all that slogging and crying and worrying and the extra frown lines that will probably show up soon, it was all worth it.
from the christmas concert, to the school performances with screwed up acoustics in the hall, the competition and syf rehearsals, syf itself and the heartbreaking disappointment after, and glissando, oh glissando.
after so long of being closed off, guitar taught me to breathe again. it taught me to feel and to show i feel, instead of giving that dead-pan face. i honestly think it brought back my laughter. and, maybe not the light, but a tiny sparkle of that girl who i used to be. it's been teaching me to care again. and i'm grateful for the people who helped make it happen.
i don't know what i'd do with the friends i've made and who've reminded me of who i used to be and help bring that girl back.
posted on Tuesday, February 01, 2011you're drifting away,
but there's nothing more i can do.
i've tried and i still try
but you just don't fucking care, do you?
we don't talk like we used to
hell, we don't talk at all.
i've run out of conversation topics and questions to ask and jokes to tell. i'd like to try to tell you what's going on with my life and ask about yours but you're just not a part of my life anymore. and as much as i try to keep you part of it, it will only just annoy and bother you.
like some chore, some obligation to this girl you used to know.
so okay, i get it. people change. and i've done some pretty drastic changing back and forth, i don't expect you to get into that,
but could you at least reply my texts?
oh god, that sounds so effing petty. like some needy, attention-seeking retard.
but you know that's the only form of communication we have. if i stop, we'll just slip into strangers. and you know that deep down, you have to know by now, that all i'm really trying to do is what we promised to from the start;
i'm just trying to keep in touch.
posted onyou're so fucking concerned with listening to your own view that you can't hear anyone else
posted on Sunday, January 09, 2011"sometimes i just don't know if ac and ki was the right choice"
but now i know it is.
a right choice isn't what it is because good things happen or because it necessarily advances your position in life, benefits you in the most obvious way.
this choice is what it is because a part of me still need to grow up and learn to cope away from home, away from safety and security.
it is the right choice because some way or another, whether i'm fully able to believe it or not, God brought me to it.
now i've got to make the most of it.
ac may never be able to give me the same warm fuzzy feeling that ij did but why should i expect that? it shouldn't stop me from feeling affiliation to it.
ki may be a departure from things and it may be scary at times, it may drive me crazy at times and it may be a challenge but, but what?
i chose it.
and i hate how blame it all so easily on a subject. like my faith was never strong enough to withstand the probing.
i hate how you twisted all the things i told you to fit your little delusion.
i hate how you did it behind my back.
i hate how i trusted you with my thoughts.
well, reality bites. you were never really trustworthy. poor judgement on my part.
but ki has made me realise a whole lot of things and so far, i've been ready to accept them and change my views about somethings.
but it's only been a year.
this year, it's ethics.
and i've been praying that i can get through this alive. maybe my pride may take quite a lashing, my thoughts and assumptions and beliefs might get muddied, my sense may be twisted and turned into a jumble, my faith may be trampled on
but hopefully, i recover.
You said to lean on Your arm, and i am leaning;
You said to trust in Your love, and i am trusting;
You said to call on Your name, and i am calling;
i'm stepping out on Your word.
I Want To Love You
Samantha Chiam [my awesome partner!]
IJ Student Council
i have a feeling half of these links don't work but i'm too lazy to change them.
You Need Some Lovin'November 2005
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